He said he hit his breaking point and he needed to leave the relationship. Of course Ive been tested and done all the practical things but the guilt is why I suffer because he is a wonderful person and did not deserve that. I did a lot of research and listening to my husband and he continually spoke out every thought to me on why he wasnt attracted to me anymore and how I would react if he cheated or he left. Since then, I have stopped drinking, started therapy, started exercising, and applied to an internship. Having an actual "we-spend-time-together" relationship with another person on the basis of love (romantic love, friendship love, parental love) requires giving up a little of your autonomy and personal freedom. But I feel where Ive grown and changed, he hasnt. He said we need to start over because we have both become different people than we were. I wanted our family to work too. I have been dating my boyfriend for 2mnths now..I stay in Nigeria while he stays in the U.S. How do you know when your in love?? but i messed up at the beginning of the relationship. I have been married to my beautiful wife for 15 years and we have two wonderful daughters. This is a great option for anyone who doesnt know where they want their first date to go because it gives your potential suitor all the power to decide what would work best for her. I have never loved a woman like I love her, and I honestly dont think I ever will again. i was so devastated. And I realized it too late I realized it when he finished pulling away from me. He let me read there talks and they seemed to be just friends. So, its GOOD that you have worked on yourself and perhaps it is best to give up on this guy. He always changes for a couple of weeks then goes back, in the pass he has cheated. I am trying my absolute best to save my relationship. I was now suspicious of everything I shouldve been a private investigator because the amount of time I spent checking up on him, where he was, who he was with, etc. The thing is, I think I get so upset when Im drunk and I end up hurting him to hurt myself. Unfortunately, she had complications with the pregnancy and the child was lost. I just feel so afraid all of the time. He was truly upset he had hurt me and worried that this might ruin us. Dealing with all the details & various pieces of the puzzle that suddenly all falling into place he admitted that it had beef going on 4 years & would still be if I hadnt found out. He was afraid he still had feelings for his ex, and wanted to work through them before we moved further with our relationship. The few times I have seen her I dont get any feeling that she misses me at all. But somehow I felt relieved that he did it so I didnt have to. I recently discovered my husband has been talking to another women over the internet, through video chats, and text messaging on his phone. i begged him to let us work on it but when he comes home he cant even look at me he looks so guilty like he is having an affair. He asked why now? If you're this miserable, it's time to end things. You may have had children together. He started ignoring me and the more I tried to love him he pushed me away. and i want to control my voice and i am working on getting the ralionship withhis family to be better too. And would he put that ring on your finger? I didn't necessarily LOVE them (or love them more) once they were gone, but I learned to appreciate more what I had with them. Being with the other man would mean being happy and in love, but struggling financially and breaking my daughter from a family unit with her father. I noticed it is her number but i did not answer. Keep smiling even when it hurts. Mom idealized the ex wife and son likely feels like a failure in moms eyes. Few mins later she showed up at my house. Regardless he needs help, I know that and He knows that. I have been with my bf for almost 2 years. This was before we met though. My wife and I are struggling. What hurt was that he completely ignored me. Then she can be the icing on your already delicious cake. It is big and should not be minimized. Often we go into a relationship looking for all the validation, nurturing, warmth and support that parents didnt give us. and she is slowly pushing away. Weve seen each other a few times and hes kissed me and huggedwithout me pulling him in. Im so lost. I have been lying and cheating the entirety of my relationship. But I have now and I have realized how much work I need to do on myself. This is possible by reading a book but counseling may be best because (in my opinion) a person who is abusive was also abused and therefore needs HEALING from it himself. We might need help to get through. My girlfriend recently left me and I cant seem to get over it. I think if I was able to open my heart again to him, our marriage could thrive, because he is already in that place. I so wished I had NEVER said those words. It feels like repentance and remorseful thoughts and actions are not enough. I am completely broken. Once you start adding new people, you can have fun and all that, but it doesnt cement a relationship. My question is: Can my feelings slowly grow if I decide to truly forgive and try to move forward? She said she could not find a place that would take animals and that we would have to live separately for a year for now. But it came with issues. I do therapy on Skype if that is of interest to you. She would come briefly to money and gone. He calls my sister and tells her he really loves me, but I didnt treat him right. I met my wife in college and we had a very strong relationship, we eventually had a beautiful baby girl and she is my greatest accomplishment. Be romantic, too. I really dont know what to think and how to have deeper conversations. am i right to feel confused? He said he doesnt want to try and he doesnt want our marriage to work. I found instead an email he sent to his ex girlfriend asking her to come back to him. John R. Rice. There is no more time for compromise its either stay or go. But it isnt, especially at the wrong object. I tried to delete him out of my life but he found his way back and said that he truly loved me and that sleeping with that other woman was only a one-time thing because we were broken up at that time. As we seek loving partners, it is our own responsibility to recognize others in ability to give us the love, respect we need. That hurts me so much. June of 2013, I had taken the physical abuse pretty far and had hurt her fairly bad. Because by telling her this, you validate her feelings without putting any pressure on her to do anything at all. 5 months later he texted me and I decided to talk to him again and slowly we began to rebuild what we had and finally are in a relationship now. Final point and I will leave you with this: real love is loving the character of the other person. She would tell people that I would always only be the stupid girlfriend nothing more because she would be the on,y wife he would ever have. The first time, you just opened yourself up and there it was. I cannot see a life without her and I will give everything to right my wrongs just to have her with me again. Hi Jessica But he had to stay at a transition home. HI my comment is really good information but when someone wearing those shoes is really hard to do things the right way because is too much pain and feel desperate to get the person you love back is a lot things you dont know how to deal with this is my storie ,I met this wonderful guy 17 years ago but 4 years ago he desired he want to go back to school we didnt have the money but i support his desition so we move to another state but i was having trouble find it a job so i desired to move back and leave my husband and my youngest daughter together so i was working to jobs to support him for almost 4 years now hes done with school and find a job but has not been paying the much so is hard to survive we 3 together so i still at the same place working 2 jobs trying to support my self and also helping him when i can well now after 4 years been a part he say he doesnt love me anymore and i am devastated because i feel betrayed for the whole situation. Hello! But we still talk on and off and she still loves me but doesnt want to leave the guy shes with. He did in the past have a affair with someone who worked for him. It should make us more sympathetic to the plight of others. have been married for 9 years we have done allot to each other emotionally I would tell him to go because so he would not listen to me it put a lot of stress from both of us I would go out and he would go out he would come home drinking without you he would just ignore me thought he didnt love me you have kids together and I want to find the way he told me that he a lot of love with me now and the 8 months I want to find a way to maker of work or marriage work I still have feelings for him and I only actually found this out after we were separated how much I really do love him and miss him that I need him in my life and I want him in my childrens life the friends that we have sometimes it seems like they wanted us against each other I dont know if its just me thinking that or maybe they really were. Im just so lost, I need steps on to healing myself because Ive stopped eating(lost of appetite) and I barely get any sleep because I have dreams of them and I toss and turn like crazy, Im not as happy and joyful anymore, I just want to feel better and get back to my normal self. Hes an insecure person (he always accused me of cheating on him and having crushes on other men, which I NEVER did) but I believed that he could overcome it one day. about 8 months ago I found that person. Other people have great ideas, too. We cannot always show our true colors to the people at work, in the grocery store, or on the subway. Thanks, Dr. Debb. I dont know what to do anymore. That is why I reach out to her when she is needy. This accomplishes two things: 1. I made some mistakes of my own in the last couple years and sought happiness elsewhere with an affair with a close friend. The insular does not determine whether the emotion is positive or negative. Im not a quiter but maybe im going too far? Hi A I did not like the sound of that. We love each other like no other but I feel the love falling on my side. So, if I was off once he got off work I expected hed spend time with me but no all he did was sleep all day until he had to wake up and go to work later that night. The one person with whom it works proves to you, in the course of being together, that he or she really gets who you are. But now i have to suffer. Another, which got so serious she stayed with her sister, for over a few months, so she could focus on a relationship with a guy that lived on the other side of the country. Now it was this time I realized how much I loved her. 12: Ask her if shes willing to go ice skating with you And he was even complaining that I was putting on weight! I never meant to mistreat my partner. This man deserves a better girlfriend, a better wife. You can do better. Within the first 3 months he started changing. But she is giving me an ultimatum I have to pick. He got promoted then just then decided he only wanted to be friends. But Im hopeless now, because he was so good and I dont know if Ill be able to get him back. I was wrong not to tell my husband my friend was going with mebut others knew and had told him. They were so nice they let you move in and took care of you. Their messages are private. He has gone back and forth so many times. It is pain that will not go away because a person loves you, unfortunately. for the past months i was the one whos paying for our dates, sometimes he will pay for the meal and i will pay for the movies, but most of the time i was the one who pays a lot. My husband and I have been together for two years and 6 months. And Im constantly irritated by him, which in turn makes me super mean. Research has shown that taking more loving actions actually makes people feel more in love. My son has to suffer. Thats real love. This was all her idea.) How do I, so to speak, make him fall back in love with me? Hello Dr. Deb I dont know what to do. He has been and so far will always be the one for me. Long-Term Relationships: Rebuilding Love After Emotional Damage. I really dont think this situation requires something that you can do to fix it. He put his face into her neck & told her that he Really really loves her. This also bothers me. I had shut myself off from dating for years, but he caught me by surprise, and before I knew it, I was in love. That I needed to know my status with her cus i feel like Im being used by her and baby father to takecare of their things. This is the EXACT reason for cheating. The beauty of a movie date is that you can sit back and enjoy an hour or two without having to do any work at all. His birth father was never in the picture due to his instability and choice of partying and drugs over being a father. Keep things fresh and exciting by having a theme for your first date. What I cant understand why things need to change now he knows?!!! I must add I have never felt worthy of his love. Being around them is oftentimes unbearable because our love for them is so strong yet we can't express them. I started to see her less and less and took her for granted as it went on, while she was still madly in love with me and only wanted it to work. Hi drDeb could you please give me advice on my story that I wrote. She finally broke up with me after 9 months and now is very cold and distant. DONT be needy!! Its difficult for me to give her space because she seems to be doing fine without me. On Saturday 13th sept we were at my rugby club celebrating my 30th birthday (a joint party with two team mates who also turn 30 around the same time) which is this Friday. I forgave her, or so I thought. Is this the reason you cheated? My husband & I worked at our own business together & I realized that he was distancing himself from our relationship more & more with each passing year. You are a good-hearted person and you hate to see someone suffer. The fact that he is back and forth with you tells me that. Taking charge is a quality that women really like in men so take some responsibility when planning your first date by doing at least 70% of the legwork yourself. Hi Craig My husbands reasoning was better education opportunities for our daughters. I dont want to have it end and then face the same thing that he did Because i doubt hed get back together a 3rd time because he is a sensitive guy and doesnt want either of us to hurt again. He came into my life when I least expected it and he brought back a part of me that I lost during all the bad times. 2. Do you think he needs time to digest. I know that she most likely will be happier without me since I caused so much damage to her, but I really want another shot at becoming the only one she loves. Im pretty sure I have some serious issues. I found out just how much about a month ago because I looked at the phone bill (we still share a lot of the bills). She had told me she wants to see what is out there abd eventually were might get back together but at the same time days we will get back together. So she said I live with his mother. Doctors cannot treat their families and neither can lawyers, so you cant convince me that you, alone, helped him conquer his demons. Then my brother died tragically in a mva. Hi Tyler I kiiled what we had, and it was amazing. I tried explaining what i did and giving him more details of me being outsidehe sees it as having two stories and still believes i cheated. Good luck. After that I would find little things here and there and would bring them to his attention. I really do love her and Ive owned up and apologized. He admitted to being shocked the first time it occurred yet on the second time he turned towards her to accept her kiss. 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